I wanted to make sure I got this written down before the details started fading.... Brielle was due on Friday, February 15th, though I really didn't think I would make it that long. Thankfully, she didn't come that Friday the 8th or Saturday the 9th because there was a pretty big snow storm and I was worried about being able to make it to the hospital. I also really wanted to make it through my last weekend at work. I ended up not going into work on Saturday because of the snow storm... the last thing I wanted to do was fall on ice or get stranded somewhere and go into labor. It was a really nice family day and Mike and I had fun taking the boys out in the snow. Sunday, the roads were clear and everything looked good, so I decided to head into work. When I woke up that morning, I was having mild contractions.... they would last for about 20 seconds or so, but they were pretty far apart. Since it could have gone on for a week like that, I figured I'd better head into work while I could. There were two other therapists there who told me they could get me to the hospital if things progressed, and they were also there to help me lift the patients. All in all, it was a pretty smooth day and I'm really glad I was able to make it through my last day. (Thanks, Brielle, for staying put!). Around 1pm, the contractions started to get a LITTLE stronger and closer together, but nothing too painful. I had a feeling, though, that this was going to progress into the real deal. I left work on time and made it home with no problem at all.
After dinnertime, the contractions started getting a little stronger and closer together. I texted my friend Susan to let her know that she was on standby, and she told me she had a bag packed and could be here whenever needed. (I needed someone to watch the boys while we went to the hospital). I also called my mom to tell her to FOR SURE plan on coming up Monday morning and that I'd probably be going into the hospital Monday sometime. I tried to lay down when the boys went to bed around 8 or so, but it was a little hard to sleep... the contractions were getting stronger and I was realizing this was the real deal. I came out and hung out with Mike until about 12 or so when he went to bed. Before he went to sleep, he showed me there was a handy little stopwatch feature on my iPad that I could use for timing contractions. That ended up being a big help. Around 12:30 is when the contractions started really picking up in intensity. I started jotting things down and between 1 and 3, they really started getting more intense and closer together. I wrote this all down (to put in her scrapbook!) but I think it was between 2 and 3am that they started coming every 3 minutes or so, lasting 45 seconds. I was worried I was going to have to call Susan at 3am... of course she would have come, and happily, but I wanted to at least try to make it to the "decent" hour of 5am before I called. I laid down on the couch and tried to relax, and it worked... contractions, though very strong, spread out to 10 minutes apart and I was actually able to get some fitful sleep. I remember opening my eyes at 4am, happy that I made it, and being SUPER ecstatic to see that I made it to five. At five, I called my mom and told her to get a move on, that we were definitely heading to the hospital soon, and that I would need her to relieve Susan as soon as possible.
I laid back down and somehow made it til 7 before I called Susan and invited her over to breakfast. Ha. She said she'd be right over. Traffic was awful cause it was raining and the roads were a little icy, but it worked out well because by the time she made it at 8am, I had gotten the chance to get a shower and re-pack my bag (with a bunch of things that I didn't need!) and labor more at home. I didn't want to get to the hospital too early, because once you get there, they hook you up to so many monitors and don't let you move too much. I tried to stretch it a bit more, but by 9am, things were getting really intense and I was afraid that if I waited too long, I wouldn't make it to the hospital in time. At 9am, we said goodbye to the boys and started the trek to St. Lukes/Roosevelt Hospital. I decided against taking a car service there, because it was prime rush hour time PLUS raining and I was convinced we'd get stuck in major traffic. The last thing I wanted to do was be stuck in traffic and in labor. So we started the slow journey to the subway. It was raining and poor Mike was carrying all of my bags, but he did a great job of holding my hand and letting me walk REALLY slow, stopping when I had a big contraction. I made it to the train without problem and the walking probably made things progress along nicely. The train came into the station as soon as we arrived... good Karma...and we got seats despite rush hour. (Not that I wouldn't have demanded a seat anyway! lol). I only had about 4 or 5 big contractions on the train and was able to keep it together by breathing and squeezing Mike's arm really hard. The walk from Columbus Circle to the hospital was a little bit harder and the contractions felt like they were coming every 1-2 minutes, but squeezing Mike's hand while I stopped and breathed it out worked and we made it. My original plan was to hang out in the lobby for as long as I could to again avoid being strapped to monitors, and I actually considered it briefly. I asked Mike if he thought we should stay down there for a while and he was like...are you kidding? Ha. I was feeling really nauseous at that point and didn't want to throw up in the lobby (even though I was prepared with plastic bags!), so we headed upstairs.
When we got to the triage waiting room, we were the only ones there. A couple walked in briefly after us, a scheduled c-section, and she was probably counting her lucky stars when she saw the shape that I was in. Things went from bad to worse in that room and it was hard to not scream out in pain during my very frequent contractions. Sitting down in the waiting room chair was AWFUL and I couldn't get comfortable at all. I wanted to be standing, but it hurt too much to stand. Finally, after at least 30 minutes, they called me back to the triage area. The contractions were so strong at that point that it took me a good 2 minutes to even get into the room 10 feet away. When I got there, they wanted me to leave a urine sample.... that took all the strength in the world to do by myself. When I walked back over to the triage area, she wanted me to change into a gown and lay down in the bed. I told her I couldn't get my boots off by myself and she was like.... no problem, take everything else off and lay down with your boots on. Um, I can't get my pants over my boots, lady. Lol. She came over and tried to help me but couldn't quite understand how to undo the double knot, so Mike got to come back early (usually they don't let the husband in til after the first exam) and help. I was very grateful to have him there, because they took FOREVER to get to me. Dr. Moore (a resident?) came in to examine me and told me I was between 4 and 5 cm. Whaaat? I felt like I was at LEAST 8. But I wasn't TOO crushed because I felt like 5 (I completely ignored the 4 part) was a really good starting point.
I had really wanted to go without an epidural for this labor since with both boys I had pretty bad epidural experiences. Not only was the process of getting them awful, but with both boys, the epidural slowed my contractions down sooooo much and really, really stalled things. I had been trying for the past several months to gear myself up mentally for going natural, talking to as many people who went sans epidural for motivation, but in the back of my head I knew that if I couldn't do it with both boys, that I probably wouldn't be able to make it this time, either. After I was first checked and told I was at 5cm, I did pretty good for about an hour or so. (Yes, I was in triage FOREVER). I was breathing well and was able to focus on relaxing as much as I could. I kept telling myself the pain was a GOOD thing and that it meant I was dilating. This worked for a while. I soon, however, got to a point where the pain was just awful. I was losing my ability to relax, breathe, concentrate... the duration of the peak of the contractions seemed to be increasing and I was quickly realizing I wasn't going to be able to do this for hours more. I yelled out to Mike that I wanted an epidural and thankfully, even though he knew I didn't want one, he didn't try to convince me otherwise. It took FOREEEEVER for anyone to come in and check on me and I finally made Mike pop his head out and go find someone. A male nurse came in (Filipino!), and quickly started my IV when I told him I wanted an epidural. (You have to get two bags of saline before the epidural). That experience was AWFUL. I have good veins and it's usually very easy for people to take blood, etc... but this guy could NOT get my IV in. He kept pricking my arm and missing....the pain was AWFUL. It took my mind off the contractions for a few minutes, but man was it awful. Mike said later that he was getting SO mad at the guy because he saw him keep stabbing me and missing. FINALLY he got the IV in and told me I'd be moving over soon to a room. Pffffft. Again, it took forever... easily another 45 minutes or so. In that 45 minutes, the pain became really unbearable. I was in a triage room with probably 5 other patients or so (separated only by curtains) and I had to become that patient who was screaming out in pain. I didn't want to be that lady, but I had no choice. Plus, I was getting annoyed and wanted to be in a room. I found that when I started screaming out in pain, they were a tad more responsive to moving me (and getting rid of me!). Finally, the nurse came back and told me there was a room and also told me that I had to walk there. At this point, I could barely stand, and no joke..it took about 5 minutes just for me to get to a standing position, even with both him and Mike helping me. It was SO. PAINFUL. I was about to request that they wheel me over in the stretcher (which would have been super annoying to everyone, I realized, because the space wasn't made for requests like that and I just would have been super complicating things)... but I had a small break between contractions and mustered up all my mental willpower to walk out to the triage desk and tell the nurse (who had gone over to print out my transfer papers) that I was ready to go... NOW....NOW NOW. Luckily, it wasn't that far of a walk and I made it without incident.
Once I got to my room, one of the nurses from triage came over and told me that my nurse would be Ms. Li and she was next door and would be over in a little bit. I believe my first words to everyone I met were "I need an epidural. NOW." She was very nice and I liked her a lot...sooo wish she could have stayed to be my nurse for the delivery! She was joking around with me and Mike and was very friendly and helpful. I just realized that I didn't even think to ask for a physioball....something I definitely used with the other two and really wanted for this labor. Ha. It didn't even occur to me until right now. Anyway... she said that the anesthesiologist was next door (with my nurse) and that as soon as they were finished, they would come to me. The pain was really awful at this point and I was yelling pretty loudly during the contractions. I was starting to get frustrated and angry and reached that point where I didn't think I was going to be able to do it. I felt better when Mike rubbed my leg during a contraction because it helped me to focus on something other than the pain. After FOREVER, my nurse finally came in, introducing herself and telling me she wasn't sure if she was my nurse. I was like - yes, you are my nurse.. PLEASE have someone check me. I was really curious to see how dilated I was at that point. At another point, when someone else came in, she told me to tell them right away if I was feeling rectal pressure. I remembered from friends and from reading things about labor that rectal pressure is a sign that the baby is coming NOW and that it should be considered an emergency of sorts. So even though I didn't feel it, I told the nurse - yes, yes, I feel rectal pressure - someone check me!!!! FINALLY, this did the trick. I felt a flurry of activity, with one or two nurses entering....and then finally a doctor appeared! He introduced himself as Dr. Jew (a name I recognized from my doctor's practice... I knew I wouldn't have MY doctor, because he's in his office on Mondays and I myself had a 7pm appointment with him that night!), and he was dressed in a suit. He grabbed a pair of gloves and was like... ok, let me check you. I was bracing myself for him to say I was only 7cm dilated and was wondering how on earth I would survive sitting still for an epidural. I was PRAYING that I was at least 8cm. The next thing I know, he was like... WHOA, you're 10 cm! You're ready to have this baby! You're going to have this baby in a few minutes. Let me just go change. I was SHOCKED and relieved and surprised and happy and scared and MAD that he had to go change... haha.
After a few minutes, Dr. Jew came back with Dr. Moore (the resident who had interviewed me/checked me in the triage room) and my nurse and all of a sudden, I was ready to push. They changed my bed position and explained the logistics of what Mike and the nurse would be doing. Mike was to hold my right leg and the nurse my left leg. Dr. Moore was the one actually delivering the baby and Dr. Jew was hanging out in the back...the boss, the overseer. Here came the part where I began to really hate the nurse, Mrs. Li. She was on my left, frequently preoccupied by something (something to do with me? Someone else? i have no idea) on the computer and would disappear between contractions. She'd then appear and tell me confusing things.... She was counting differently than Dr. Moore and kept telling me to hold my breath...something that was really distracting to me. After about 5 pushes or so, I made eye contact with the doctors to let them know she was annoying me and told Dr. Moore that I much preferred HER to count. After another push or so, I finally made a motion for the nurse to STOP TALKING and Dr. Jew jumped in with "No more speech from you, Mrs. Li. No more speech." HA. I loved that. Having her silent was SO much better and I could focus better. I was still a very big wimp with the pushing, though. I thought I'd be SO much better, but the pain was SO bad during each contraction that it was really hard to focus on pushing for 10 seconds. I would end up pushing for about 3 seconds and I could tell I wasn't pushing hard enough or the right way. After about 15 min of this, I could tell Dr. Jew was getting really frustrated with me, and I was getting frustrated with myself. During one contraction, I only pushed for about 2 seconds and then told everyone I needed a break. I think I just needed to regroup and find that inner strength. I finally realized what I needed to do to push more effectively. I needed Mike and the doctors to be yelling "GO GO GO" or "PUSH PUSH PUSH" instead of counting. Then I could focus on counting myself at my own pace. That worked MUCH better. After about 3 pushes of her ALMOST being there, I finally was able to dig deep and just pusssssh push push push.
She came out and I remember looking down and seeing the doctor almost drop her... lol..she was slippery!! They cleaned her off and let Mike cut the cord. What a different experience than the other two. As soon as she was out, I felt SO much better and was even able to take pictures as her cord was being cut. They handed her to me right away and I got to hold her for a while before the nurse took her to be cleaned up.
This delivery was SO much less chaotic than the other two. After she was born and I was taken care of, the doctors left and it was just us and the nurse. She cleaned her up a little bit and did her footprints and weight and then Mike and I got to take turns holding her. We stayed in the delivery room for two hours and it was very low key. It was so nice to be able to spend that time with her! She was looking all around and was very alert for a newborn. She finally fell asleep for a little when Mike was holding her.
In hindsight, I'm SO glad I didn't get the epidural. But maaaan was that tough! :) Welcome to the world, Brielle Calai!
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